This article is written to highlight an aspect of conflict, and one’s own personal process, that can obstruct the capacity to restore collaborative and cooperative relationship. It also gives a suggestion for beginning to address this issue. In my experience of mediating conflict, and understanding my own disputes, I notice that what often emerges is a clearly defined sense of … Read More
No conflict is an island – the place of context and “field” in resolving disputes
Conflict is as much about context as it is about the in-the-moment dynamics of a relationship. Or at least, the two are indivisible. To put it another way, every conflict is underpinned by a comprehensive collection of variables, a web of influences, a complex map of roots and consequent branches. Context is ever present. For example, in a workplace mediation, … Read More
Who’s responsible? Reflections on co-owning responsibility in relationships
This article has been in my mind for a while. June and July were busy with mediations, and August has been a time to refuel through time spent with loved and loving others. The emerging theme over the past 6 months has been “responsibility”. I am going to write about responsibility not only through the lens of conflict transformation, but … Read More
In mediation, slowing the pace of conflict
From time-to-time difference between individuals or groups distorts into conflict. One way to consider conflict is to think of it as dialogue between beings that has extended beyond what the parties to the dialogue can manage. There can perhaps be a tendency amongst human beings to assume that we are “all able”, “all able” to manage any communication, thoughts, feelings, … Read More
“Sometimes the greatest thing people have in common, is the difference between them” – creating common ground through the recognition of difference
Any dispute is a manifestation of a difference, whether that be between individuals, groups, or nations. It can probably be termed as difference with particular attributes, for example difference that involves two or more relatively fixed positions, and difference that usually holds an amount of heightened emotion for those involved. But as we investigate the dispute in a mediation, what … Read More
How a mediator’s “presence” and embodied experience may be used in service of dispute resolution
In training to be a mediator we learn skills, techniques, approaches, important aspects of how to handle challenging and entrenched disputes. We take these tools into our mediations and apply them in nuanced fashion to help the parties move on from the conflict that constrains their business, work relationship, child’s well-being (eg SEN Mediation). However, the more I’ve practiced as … Read More
When in conflict, go towards conflict
Humans are individually unique beings. No one person is the same. Obvious huh? Well maybe, and yet so often we adopt similar patterns of behaviour to those around us; it can sometimes appear that the differences between us is a matter of semantics. From such confluence (Perls, Hefferline, Goodman, 1951) develops formulised and patterned approaches to managing contact with the … Read More
Right Here, Right Now – shifting conflict in the present moment
In a dispute between two people, there is always a history. One of our jobs as mediators is to help those who have courageously committed to mediation to navigate that story. We support mediation participants to explore past events that have led to the feelings of hurt or distress that often lie at the centre of conflict. As mediators we … Read More
Unexpressed Feelings
I have seen it said that feelings and emotions can get in the way of understanding and empathising with people. From my experience as a mediator in “high feeling” mediation meetings, I can see this point. Feelings and associated emotions can be heightened and expressive, to a point where it is difficult for one, other, or both sides to clearly … Read More
Are you breathing? Managing discord
Discord, difference, conflict, dispute, whichever way you term it, when there is a polarisation of interests, views and values, there is usually an accompanying behavioural response from the people involved. Human beings are living, breathing, and wonderfully emotional creatures. That we have a physiological and feeling response to inter-personal issues is not surprising, and should be cherished. Yet, it is … Read More