Managing thoughts and feelings can be viewed as the starting point of working through the challenges of conflict. I would contend that it is the groundwork for all other actions and approaches one may take to navigate conflictual situations. How can we share our honest views and reflections in a way that others can hear and how can we listen … Read More
Anxiety when in conflict – managing and moving through
This is an article I wrote through the lens of my work as a psychotherapist. However, it also struck me how frequently anxiety arises when we’re in conflict. Anxiety is so fundamentally linked to issues of safety, or to be more specific, the challenge to our feelings of safety in the world, that it seems to me it is inevitable … Read More
Anger FORBIDDEN, the impact on conflict and mediation
Anger. Feeling anger. Feeling angry. Being angry. Fury. Feeling fury. Feeling furious. Rage. I was struggling to find a way to ease into an article on anger, possibly because one doesn’t tend to ease into the feeling of being angry, well not in my experience anyway. I know it as a sharper more pointed personal response and reaction to precipitating … Read More
Conflict between friends – a call for dialogue
Corinne Rechais is the Director of a mediation service (CALM Mediation) in London, UK. At the Civil Mediation Conference in London recently she mentioned that many/the majority of their community mediations were between people who had once been friends. That simple statement really stood out to me. What is it about friendship that may make us particularly vulnerable to conflict? … Read More
“Sometimes the greatest thing people have in common, is the difference between them” – creating common ground through the recognition of difference
Any dispute is a manifestation of a difference, whether that be between individuals, groups, or nations. It can probably be termed as difference with particular attributes, for example difference that involves two or more relatively fixed positions, and difference that usually holds an amount of heightened emotion for those involved. But as we investigate the dispute in a mediation, what … Read More
Dialogue, as an antidote to the politics of outrage.
These are fevered times, where public debate has a sort of boom and bust quality. As an issue emerges the tendency is for people to stand up, shout loud, and stand firm. Positions are taken, “cyclists are a danger to themselves and others”, “car drivers act like they own the road”. These positions are often accompanied by “outrage”, a sharp … Read More
Unexpressed Feelings
I have seen it said that feelings and emotions can get in the way of understanding and empathising with people. From my experience as a mediator in “high feeling” mediation meetings, I can see this point. Feelings and associated emotions can be heightened and expressive, to a point where it is difficult for one, other, or both sides to clearly … Read More
Relational World
As individuals we live in relationship with others around us. Which highlights that as individuals, we are also part of groups, for example we meet others: in the shop, at the bus stop, in the office. Each of these meetings is unique, each interaction on any given day has its own energy. The contact we have with each other brings … Read More