Any dispute is a manifestation of a difference, whether that be between individuals, groups, or nations. It can probably be termed as difference with particular attributes, for example difference that involves two or more relatively fixed positions, and difference that usually holds an amount of heightened emotion for those involved. But as we investigate the dispute in a mediation, what … Read More
How a mediator’s “presence” and embodied experience may be used in service of dispute resolution
In training to be a mediator we learn skills, techniques, approaches, important aspects of how to handle challenging and entrenched disputes. We take these tools into our mediations and apply them in nuanced fashion to help the parties move on from the conflict that constrains their business, work relationship, child’s well-being (eg SEN Mediation). However, the more I’ve practiced as … Read More
When in conflict, go towards conflict
Humans are individually unique beings. No one person is the same. Obvious huh? Well maybe, and yet so often we adopt similar patterns of behaviour to those around us; it can sometimes appear that the differences between us is a matter of semantics. From such confluence (Perls, Hefferline, Goodman, 1951) develops formulised and patterned approaches to managing contact with the … Read More
Dialogue, as an antidote to the politics of outrage.
These are fevered times, where public debate has a sort of boom and bust quality. As an issue emerges the tendency is for people to stand up, shout loud, and stand firm. Positions are taken, “cyclists are a danger to themselves and others”, “car drivers act like they own the road”. These positions are often accompanied by “outrage”, a sharp … Read More
How on earth do we disagree?
A few years back now, on a whim, I decided I was going to drive from London in the UK, 50 miles north to Luton, so I could be there during an EDL (English Defence League, far-right group) rally. I’m drawn to edges, and to what I don’t know. I’m also fascinated by human beings and their world; I spend … Read More
Right Here, Right Now – shifting conflict in the present moment
In a dispute between two people, there is always a history. One of our jobs as mediators is to help those who have courageously committed to mediation to navigate that story. We support mediation participants to explore past events that have led to the feelings of hurt or distress that often lie at the centre of conflict. As mediators we … Read More
Unexpressed Feelings
I have seen it said that feelings and emotions can get in the way of understanding and empathising with people. From my experience as a mediator in “high feeling” mediation meetings, I can see this point. Feelings and associated emotions can be heightened and expressive, to a point where it is difficult for one, other, or both sides to clearly … Read More
Are you breathing? Managing discord
Discord, difference, conflict, dispute, whichever way you term it, when there is a polarisation of interests, views and values, there is usually an accompanying behavioural response from the people involved. Human beings are living, breathing, and wonderfully emotional creatures. That we have a physiological and feeling response to inter-personal issues is not surprising, and should be cherished. Yet, it is … Read More
Meeting Point – reflecting on dialogue in public spaces
Meeting Point is a go-dialogue programme aimed at building relationship and capacity for relationship, through dialogue. The first Meeting Points were delivered last week, six sessions across three days in locations around London; set-up as a circle of chairs in a public place with an invitation for people to sit down and take part in discussion with a host from … Read More
Meeting Point – a quality of contact
So, two final Meeting Point sessions to finish off this three-day run. The goal was to experiment with dialogue, and relationship, in communal spaces, open to all people. Today, the first 90 minute session ran on the south bank of The River Thames in central London, next to Waterloo Bridge. The circle of chairs set-up, it was then a chance … Read More